How Midlife Men Can Thrive in Relationships Beyond Productivity Culture
Often the only time a couple has to truly connect is at the end of the day. In the morning we’re up getting the kids (if we have them) ready for school or daycare, getting ourselves out the door for work. Or maybe one partner is heading off to work while the other is preparing for a full day of caring for children. Either way, there’s simply no time for deep conversation.
So what do we get? At the end of a busy, stressful day, whether it’s from our workplace or the home front, we come home tired, hungry and ready to numb out with Netflix or doom-scrolling. And yet it feels like this is the only time we have to talk and connect.
A simple problem, an emotional strain, the question “Why haven’t you taken out the garbage?”... suddenly feels like a hand-grenade. Someone pulls the pin and then we either need to defuse it or jump on it. If stress is high and blood sugar is low, chances are someone will say the wrong thing and the grenade explodes. We’ve all been there.
Building an intimate and fulfilling relationship in today’s hustle-culture is hard. The warrior in us is pushing, fighting, striving for more money, success, achievement… but what is the cost to our relationships?
The truth is, we’ve replaced presence with productivity.
We’ve been taught to measure our worth in output, how much we provide, how hard we work, how productive we are. But our partners don’t fall in love with our productivity. They fall in love with our presence.
The Modern Identity Storm
There’s another layer to this story that often goes unspoken. Many men today feel like they’re living in a cultural tug-of-war.
On one side, the old model of masculinity tells them to be stoic, strong, and self-reliant, to suppress emotion and never show weakness.
On the other, a new social narrative urges them to be sensitive, open, emotionally expressive, yet often frames masculinity itself as a problem to be fixed.
Men are told to be strong, but not too strong. To lead, but not dominate. To open up, but never burden. It’s confusing terrain, and in that confusion, many withdraw.
This isn’t about blaming “woke culture” or feminism. Both movements emerged from real pain and the need for change. But in our rush to correct old patterns, we’ve sometimes over-corrected, leaving men without a clear, healthy model of who they’re meant to be.
The result? Disconnection.
Men lose touch with their natural strength and direction. Women feel unsupported. Families struggle.
What’s missing is the village, not just the literal one of grandparents, uncles, and friends, but the symbolic one: older men guiding younger ones, shared wisdom passed through generations, a sense of belonging to something bigger than work or ideology.
When a culture loses its elders and its rites of passage, men lose their compass. And without that compass, relationships become battlegrounds instead of sanctuaries.
“The problem isn’t masculinity. The problem is the absence of mature masculinity, strength guided by purpose, presence, and love.” ~ StreTch
This is where we need to return to balance: strong and grounded, open and anchored, ambitious and connected. Not warriors fighting against each other, but kings learning how to lead with heart.
So what’s the solution?
I don’t have all the answers, but I do know this: creating space for real conversation with your partner is essential. Time without the kids. Time together. Shared experiences. Shared goals. Shared success.
Ask yourselves:
What are you and your partner really working for?
Where do you want your relationship to go?
Where do you see your relationship in 5 years?
Who supports you with your relationship (grandparents, siblings, friends, your “village”)?
When the Village Vanished
Not so long ago, we lived in villages. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends, neighbours. Everybody knew each other and looked out for each other. They helped bring up kids, shared the struggles, worked, played, celebrated and supported each other through every stage of life.
Kids spent time with their grandparents. Mothers with other mothers. Fathers with other fathers. Fathers with their fathers and grandfathers. We had deeper levels of connection and support than we often have today, and our relationships were stronger.
It’s not just relationships that are feeling strain. Families are under pressure. In 2023 Australia’s total fertility rate dipped to around 1.50 children per woman, far below the ~2.1 children per woman needed just to replace the population in the absence of migration. This indicates many couples are delaying, reducing or foregoing parenthood altogether in the face of rising costs, isolation and lack of support.
The Cost of Disconnection
If we are working harder and supporting fewer children with fewer “village” supports around us, the relational implications become clearer.
Stats for reflection
In 2024, the crude divorce rate in Australia was 2.1 divorces per 1,000 people aged 16 and over.
In 2023, an estimated 15% of Australians aged 15 and over were experiencing social isolation.
A national survey found nearly 1 in 3 Australians (about 33%) reported feeling lonely or disconnected in their community.
The global total fertility rate (TFR) has fallen from around 5 children per woman in the 1950s to about 2.2 children per woman in 2021.
More than half of all countries and territories (110 out of 204) had fertility rates below the population-replacement level of ~2.1 children/woman as of 2021.
The worldwide fertility rate is projected to continue declining, with some estimates suggesting it could fall to ~1.8 children per woman by mid-century.
These numbers don’t just reflect broken marriages, they reflect broken villages.
While divorce rates are falling to historic lows, that does not necessarily mean relationships are thriving, many individuals still feel isolated or disconnected from community and relational support.
Globally, the average woman has fewer than 2.3 children today. More than half of all countries now have fertility rates below the level needed to simply replace their populations.
These numbers don’t just mean fewer children. They mean fewer family members, fewer older generation helpers, fewer siblings, fewer built-in “villagers” around the modern household. And in societies where we’re chasing productivity, climbing, performing and working harder than ever, the supports that once caught us and held us together are thinning.
It's not that parents don't want children, but they don’t have the time, the money, the affordable childcare or the village behind them. When the village disappears, the pressure on relationships increases.
The Aha Moment
Productivity is not the enemy. The cost arises when productivity replaces presence. You may be providing, achieving, delivering, but what if the real legacy you’re building isn’t the house or the business, but the relationship you steward? The presence you bring to your partner. The village you restore around you.
When our default becomes “work more” rather than “connect more”, we lose something far more valuable.
“Your greatest legacy won’t be the house you buy or the business you build. It’ll be the relationships you nurture and the presence you bring.” ~ StreTch
Your greatest investment may not be your next project. It may be the next conversation with your partner. The next Sunday afternoon with your kids. The next time you roll up your sleeves to stand alongside your brother or father in community instead of behind your screen.
Rebuilding the Village
Here are three small ways to start today:
Block out 30 minutes this week together (no screens, no distractions). Let the question be: “How are we really doing?”
Identify one person or couple in your life who used to be part of your village (mentor, friend, grandfather, dad-buddy). Reach out.
Pick one shared goal you and your partner commit to; relational, not material (could be: “We’ll spend one Sunday each month working on community/connection together”).
Reflect: What part of our “village” can we bring back? It might be a regular dinner with grandparents. A dads’ group. A weekend with extended family.
Your strength as a man in midlife is not shown just in what you build, it’s shown in who you bring with you, who you stand for, and the relationships you help grow.
Rebuild your village.
Reclaim the connection.
Your relationship (and those you love) deserve it.
Join the Brotherhood
If this message resonates, you’re not alone. Inside the Midlife Mavericks Skool Community, men from all over the world are having the real conversations that are missing in modern life.
We’re rebuilding the village, one connection, one habit, and one conversation at a time.
It’s free to join, and it’s where this work truly comes alive.
👉 Join us today: https://www.skool.com/midlife-maverick/about
